HOW I MISS MOMMY

I  have been thinking a lot about my mother over the passed few days. I miss her and particularly the conversations that we used to have. My mother was my best friend, we spend a lot of our time fighting but when it really came down to what mattered, I knew that she had my back in a way no one else would.

Whenever I hit that time in my life when I need to make hard decisions, I find myself needing and missing my mom the most. She always knew what to say, how to put things into perspective and how to take a mess and just fold it up neatly to make sense. All this while making jokes and remaining so calm on the outside. She had this way of reassuring me that things would work out, even when nothing in the physical pointed in that direction.

I cant help but think, she would know what to do right now, what to say, how to make it okay.......we would sit in her room, she on the bed and me on the car in the corner next to the wardrobe. And I would pour my heart out to her in tears, she would listen attentively then say a few words after that to make it all seem so insignificant. My mother used to warn me about being too trusting and the type of people I let into my life, you know what they say about a mother always knowing? Yes, she always knew and she always warned me but I never listened. I guess I was hellbent on making my own mistakes so that I could learn from them. It is a weakness I have always had though, not a very sound judge of character and go into things blindly which got my fingers burnt more times than I cared to remember.

What would she say right now? I wish I could hear her voice, get her advice. But sometimes as much as we miss those who raised us, we have to trust what they instilled in us. That means, listening to and trusting the voice within.