WE HIDE TO MAKE PEOPLE COMFORTABLE

How many of us can really say we can be ourselves totally around the people that we love? In the moments when we are happy and everything seems to be going well, yes! we can be ourselves. The problem is during the times when we are at our lowest, when our pretty is not showing. Reminds me of a popular poem by Oriah Mountain Dreamer, THE INVITATION. There is a questions she asks in the poem that says, "I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it, or fix it."

I think a lot of people do not know how to sit with pain, their own or that of someone else. We want to fix it and if we cant fix it, we feel that it means we are not being supportive enough. Truth is, sometimes when people are in pain, they don't want you to fix it, they don't want to hear advice on how it will get better.......all they want is someone to sit with them and not feel the need for words.

A lot of us go through so much pain but surprisingly those around us are oblivious to this, because we have learned that pain and vulnerability makes people uncomfortable, it makes them run away, it repels them away from you. We learn to rather smile and pretend that everything is fine because the minute we show what is hidden in our souls, those we thought cared turn the other way.

The other day I saw a friend's whatsapp status and it read, "it takes a strong man to love a broken woman." it hit home but it doesn't apply to just men, generally it takes a strong person to be able to handle someone who is broken, it takes courage to love someone who needs it but will not show it, it takes selflessness to take the pain of another and not make it about you, to look beyond the surface and find the person drowning in their turmoil and offer them a helping hand.

I have a friend who suffers from clinical depression and the other day we were chatting and I asked her why she wont allow me to be there for her? I shouldn't have asked that question because in that moment I made her issue about me. I also realise now, it is not easy to open up to people because that could possibly come with various labels. People expect you to be happy go lucky all the time and the minute you prove to be human, they turn the other way and take offence to your mood, making it about them instead of being supportive.

So we hide ourselves, we cry in secret and smile to the world just to be accepted. Just to keep people around us. However a question arises from all this? The people who wont allow us to be human, the people who turn away at a time when we need them the most, the people who expect us to always have it together, those who give up on us when we don't act the way they want.......are those people truly worth being in our lives? We shouldn't have to hide to make people feel comfortable. The people we need in our lives are those who understand that, we have bad days, we cry sometimes, we are weak on some days, we have flaws, we have disappointments but that's okay. The people who love us don't need us to hide, they love us even in our broken and ugly moments.