AN ANGEL IN OUR MIDST

I have always known from a young age that I wanted children of my own, growing up an only child I promised myself at least 3 so that they wouldn't grow up alone like me. I am by no means saying that I had a lonely childhood, quite the contrary, I was always surrounded by family and lots of cousins. You know what they say about cousins being our very first best friends? Because we grow up dressing the same and doing all sorts of things together. Well that is how it was with me and my cousins.

But the holidays always ended and I wished that I at least had a sibling to go home with. My mother had me when she was 35 years, so it was very unlikely at that age that she would have another child. Being an only child had its perks though, it was not always bad, in fact a majority of the time, I had a blast.

Anyways we are here with this blog.................I met someone, who at the time I thought was the world to me and we sat down and planned for a child. Yes!!!! It was planned, not those oops kind of moments where you miss your periods and go into a frenzy when you find out that you are pregnant. We actually wanted a child and believed that we were both ready for the responsibility and commitment that came with raising one. Sadly life did not go as we had planned, but I have no regrets and I always say, no matter how things ended or why we parted, a beautiful and precious life came out of that relationship.

My Sunshine, my angel, my breath and my life. Orapetsoe Lethabo Lenkoe. I honestly cannot go back to a time before she was born and recall what was so fantastic about it then. Being a mother to this incredible soul has given me so much joy and peace, well the peace part is sometimes a bit of a blur but even if I were given the chance to do things over, to make different choices, I would probably want to change alot of things but she wouldnt be one of the things I change. I always knew that my mother loved me but I never really understood the depth of that love till I had my own daughter. I sometimes look in awe, trying to figure out how God could have trusted me that much to care for her innocent soul.

It is scary, so much goes through your mind and you wonder whether you will be all that she needs, if you can provide her with all that she needs. On the flip side, knowing that God entrusted this life to you reassures you and tells you that, you surely have what it takes. God is not known for making random decisions that must mean that I was chosen for a reason.

I live everyday and pray to be a Mother that she can look up to, someone that she can always run to when the world has her in a corner. More than anything, I wish that God would grant me the years and life to see her age and achieve all that she dreams of in this life. In the present, I hope to be a model of humanity and kindness to her, a sign of hope and resilience and a reminder that no matter what life throws your way, you never ever give up.