FITNESS STRUGGLES

Last year I wrote a blog about when life happens to you while you are trying to live a healthy lifestyle and lets just say that piece didn't do much to motivate me, in fact I totally gave up the idea of healthy living after I wrote it. 

Naturally then the worst followed and before I could even snap out of it I had boobies on my back. My clothes didn't fit but instead of doing something about it, I kept feeling sorry for myself and the weight piled on. My eating habits didn't help much either. Beginning of this year while doing a series of posts on my BORN TO CONQUER page about conquering thyself, I had to take an honest look at myself and admit to all those things in my life that I wanted to change and my weight was one of them.

I started the year weighing just over 80kg and it is not pretty. I don't like how it feels and worse how it looks.  So I made a commitment to myself to end this year weighing 65kg and the work began for me. I started by downloading videos on my phone and an app that tracks my distance and time everytime I go jogging. I'm proud to say that I've been active for 5 weeks straight, that means 5 times a week consistently I have either run or done half an hour of exercising,  anything from skipping to squats to abs. This is the longest I have been consistent with any form of working out in over a year so that's progress. I have gone from running 5k in about 40 minutes to now doing it in just under 30 minutes. And yesterday I did 12km in an hour and 10 minutes which is my farthest distance to date. And you know what people told me about once I start and commit to it, it will be difficult to stop, they were right. It's not easy, waking up at 5am to go running it's still a mission but I am forging ahead and every time I manage to go further than I did the last time, I become encouraged to go even further. 

I haven't been able to stay off the junk food completely but that is a work in progress and my biggest battle still remains walking away from a glass of Coke but even that is not enough to discourage me. You see what the last 5 weeks have taught me is that if you can win the battle in your head then you are halfway there. It really does start with telling yourself that you can beat the limitations that exist in your head. 

My biggest supporter through all this has been my fitness crazy friend Allo Love, who has always told me that it's doable even when I didn't believe it and I don't think she knows just how it motivates me sending her screenshots of my new records and having her celebrate that with me. I am thankful for her support, it keeps me going. And every time I log onto that Nike App and see that she's put in another run, I can't help but be inspired to jump out of bed and do my part.

When I started this journey I made a vow to stay off the scale. I don't want to become obsessed with numbers and reaching my goal weight so unfortunately at this stage, I can't share if I have lost any weight. I don't look any different from when I started and my clothes still don't fit but I feel alive and I feel like I can conquer the world. When this year ends, I vow to myself that I will be wearing shorts and I am not giving up till that happens. The journey continues and everyday that I wake up and run or skip or do some aerobics, I know that nothing but what I tell myself and my level of commitment will stop me from reaching my goal. 

WEIGHT BLUES

I was supposed to start aerobics classes yesterday but life happened and I couldn't make it to the class. Well there's still today and the day after you may say but yesterday basically represented my life for the past few years. I'm going to start eating healthy today but as soon as I get to the office I'm consumed by every craving imaginable and my willpower fails me and I succumb to the cravings. Then I tell myself that tomorrow or the day after is still a good day to start so today I will satisfy the urge to eat junk. 

But the truth is tomorrow becomes the next day and so the story goes. I never get to actually start. When I had my child about 5 years ago I was determined not to be one of those mothers who lost themselves to the baby fat. I exercised like my life was dependant on it and as a result in less than a year I didn't look like I had just had a baby. 

Somewhere between then and now the determination just disappeared and I fell prey to the very thing that I feared. I lost myself and instead of doing something about what I was seeing, I just ate my way into my current weight issues. I'm still trying to find all the good habits I used to have back then. The problem is not knowing where I lost them, which makes it difficult for me to find them. 

I went from buying clothes that were my ideal size, always with the promise that I would work hard and fit into them to now where I have not bought even a shirt in months because I just refuse to buy anything bigger than a large. Clearly not having bought anything tells you that the large stopped fitting a while ago and I have not made peace with it. 

In March I took a bet with my sister that if I hadn't lost the weight I wanted by September I would buy her a dress from Trenery. Now I know I can't afford the brand, it's way out of my affordability range, I just reckoned taking the bet would motivate me to work out more than twice in a month. The bet was supposed to scare me into action but that didn't work. You still asking! No I didn't lose the weight, if I did I wouldn't be sitting here writing this blog. I would be fasting for rain so the heat can hit our shores and I could finally show off my hard work. Instead I'm out here praising the Lord for the cold that's still bracing us even though it's supposed to be Spring. At least I don't have to part ways with the comfort of hiding my flab under the jersey or jacket just yet. 

On a serious note though, something has got to give. My health is in a state and I have officially diagnosed myself with chronic fatigue. Something I know can be easily solved if I just started using the skipping rope I bought that I can't seem to remember it's location in the house. Don't even get me started on the apps downloaded on my phone which are just using space that should be used to take pictures of my summer body. O Lord please intervene. 

I am besides myself with complaining about the amount of weight I have gained. I have turned into that friend who is always trying some new, improved and tested method for weight loss but no results to show for it. The only thing that seems to be losing weight is my wallet from all the veggies, fruit, lean meat, skinless chicken that I keep buying and have amnesia about as soon as I get home. Hopeless case? It seems so! 

What happened to you become the company you keep? Because I am not short of people in my life who have this healthy lifestyle on lock down but none of their dedication is rubbing off on me. I set the alarm in the morning for that jog but the devil seems to have control of the snooze button and it hardly happens. What must to can happen now? 

As soon as I have the answer I will let you know. At the moment the desire doesn't seem to be what it should be to push me into action. *sigh*