WEIGHT BLUES

I was supposed to start aerobics classes yesterday but life happened and I couldn't make it to the class. Well there's still today and the day after you may say but yesterday basically represented my life for the past few years. I'm going to start eating healthy today but as soon as I get to the office I'm consumed by every craving imaginable and my willpower fails me and I succumb to the cravings. Then I tell myself that tomorrow or the day after is still a good day to start so today I will satisfy the urge to eat junk. 

But the truth is tomorrow becomes the next day and so the story goes. I never get to actually start. When I had my child about 5 years ago I was determined not to be one of those mothers who lost themselves to the baby fat. I exercised like my life was dependant on it and as a result in less than a year I didn't look like I had just had a baby. 

Somewhere between then and now the determination just disappeared and I fell prey to the very thing that I feared. I lost myself and instead of doing something about what I was seeing, I just ate my way into my current weight issues. I'm still trying to find all the good habits I used to have back then. The problem is not knowing where I lost them, which makes it difficult for me to find them. 

I went from buying clothes that were my ideal size, always with the promise that I would work hard and fit into them to now where I have not bought even a shirt in months because I just refuse to buy anything bigger than a large. Clearly not having bought anything tells you that the large stopped fitting a while ago and I have not made peace with it. 

In March I took a bet with my sister that if I hadn't lost the weight I wanted by September I would buy her a dress from Trenery. Now I know I can't afford the brand, it's way out of my affordability range, I just reckoned taking the bet would motivate me to work out more than twice in a month. The bet was supposed to scare me into action but that didn't work. You still asking! No I didn't lose the weight, if I did I wouldn't be sitting here writing this blog. I would be fasting for rain so the heat can hit our shores and I could finally show off my hard work. Instead I'm out here praising the Lord for the cold that's still bracing us even though it's supposed to be Spring. At least I don't have to part ways with the comfort of hiding my flab under the jersey or jacket just yet. 

On a serious note though, something has got to give. My health is in a state and I have officially diagnosed myself with chronic fatigue. Something I know can be easily solved if I just started using the skipping rope I bought that I can't seem to remember it's location in the house. Don't even get me started on the apps downloaded on my phone which are just using space that should be used to take pictures of my summer body. O Lord please intervene. 

I am besides myself with complaining about the amount of weight I have gained. I have turned into that friend who is always trying some new, improved and tested method for weight loss but no results to show for it. The only thing that seems to be losing weight is my wallet from all the veggies, fruit, lean meat, skinless chicken that I keep buying and have amnesia about as soon as I get home. Hopeless case? It seems so! 

What happened to you become the company you keep? Because I am not short of people in my life who have this healthy lifestyle on lock down but none of their dedication is rubbing off on me. I set the alarm in the morning for that jog but the devil seems to have control of the snooze button and it hardly happens. What must to can happen now? 

As soon as I have the answer I will let you know. At the moment the desire doesn't seem to be what it should be to push me into action. *sigh*