ENVY DOES NOT ALLOW YOU TO CELEBRATE OTHERS

I had a lengthy chat not so long ago with one of my close friends over the phone, about friendship and whether people really needed to be similar to be friends. Do we need to like the same music, the same type of men or even have the same fashion sense? While it is a good thing that you have something in common with the people that you call friends, I have found that most people that I draw near to are those whose hearts I relate with. My circle of friends is made up of all kinds of people, a rainbow of personalities and beliefs that sometimes cause conflict of interests.

Anyways, while chatting with my friend about this particular topic, something about people feeling the need to alter themselves to be accepted, trying to be what you feel others will approve of etc. That led to the question of whether we can really ever be happy for other people while secretly trying to be them, like them? I am not sure what the difference is, but I would like to think that there's a difference between looking up to someone, admiring them, for whatever reason and trying to be like them. I admire my friend, Odwa Gogo because she works in a field that I would give an arm and a leg to work in, psychology. But other than that, we totally opposite beings who have just found a way to co-exist and be friends. I look up to Uyanda Mbuli for her fashion sense and shoe collection but that shouldn't mean that I will go out and buy every outfit that she has. The part I admire about other people, should ultimately come together with my unique traits, to make me the person that I am.

What I mean is that, when you look yourself in the mirror and read through your life goals, your plans, those are the things that should give an indication of who you are. People should not look at your dress sense, the way you talk, laugh and act and see someone else (the person that you are trying to mimic). There is obviously something that draws us to the people we like, the people we spent time with, they have something that draws us and in turn, we too should have something that draws them to us. We cannot have that, while we busy suppressing all of who we are because we want to be like other people.

There is a reason why we are all called to be unique, it means that no one person will be like another, even identical twins are different in what they like and what makes them tick. We should see ourselves as being worthy enough to be liked for the people that we are, not because we had to suppress what we want and like, to be validated by other people. The people who cannot appreciate you for the real you, are the people that you don't need in your life.

Which leads me back to the question.....can we really ever be happy for other people while we trying to outdo them, be like them etc. I think that there is a very thin line, that we all need to be aware off and never cross. Sometimes at trying to reach certain levels that those around us have reached, we end up envious and that means that we are not able to wholeheartedly share in the achievements of others. If a friend buys a car today and you automatically want one, not even being aware of how long they saved to get that car, what sacrifices they had to make, it simply means you are living in the envy that pushes you to do better than the next person, rather than congratulate and be happy for someone else.

In an attempt to be all that we can be, in searching for role models and people who inspire us, we should not lose sight of that which makes us different from everyone else. And of all the traits, habits and characteristics that we model from others, who we are on our own should still reign supreme, not the person that we think everyone else around us wants us to be. We need to learn to celebrate the achievements and milestones of others without making it about us, without feeling the need to take shortcuts in life, just to be on the same level as others. Remember to dance to your own music, not the beat that is created for someone else.