There's no greater
truth than the saying; "you can’t control everything that happens to you
but you can control how you react to it." So much of our pain is self-inflicted.
It's not the things
that have happened that hurt you but your thoughts about what happened that
continue to hurt you long after the incident has passed. When something happens
that hurts us or makes us feel disappointed or even betrayed, the feelings that
come with it only last a few minutes or possibly hours. But the days, weeks and
months you spent hurting about that thing is what you inflict on
yourself.
You continue to replay
what happened, asking yourself why and maybe even punishing yourself for having
let it happen. How you process the incident or event is what is holding you
captive not the actual thing that went down.
When my relationship
with my fiancé ended, it wasn't the end that was causing me so much pain. It
was my thoughts over the break up that kept the pain alive. I was feeding it
with my thoughts, thoughts about why he left, what people would say etc. I was
entertaining these negative thoughts and they were in turn fuelling the pain
that I felt. But the truth is it wasn't what my ex did that was hurting me, I
was choosing to hurt myself every day that I was allowing these thoughts to
consume me.
I didn't realize that
I had no control over what happened but I had a choice in how I was reacting to
it and the platform that I was giving this hurt in my life.
Every second that you
choose to dwell on the things people did or didn't do, what you did or failed
to do, you continue to inflict pain on yourself and deny yourself the
opportunity to regroup and get yourself together. You can't think straight
while you are consumed with pain and you can't move on with your life whilst
still replaying the past in your head. Thinking of ways to blame yourself or
the person who did you wrong?
Whatever happens in
your life is meant to happen, to either teach you a lesson or to distance you
from people whose part in your life is over. If you keep staring at the closed
door long enough, you miss all the other doors that are opening right in front
of your eyes because you have managed to convince yourself that you are hurting
when all it is is a flawed thought process. A process that is making you stay
in your place of hurt instead of realizing the beauty of what happened.
Every bad thing that
happens in your life is an eye opener, calling you to awareness and pushing you
to a place you couldn't have gotten to had the incident not taken place. The
Universe is making moves in your favor, teaching you about life, people and
yourself. Things you wouldn't have the privilege of knowing if all went as you
pleased all the time.
I would never advice
one to deny their pain, to pretend like it doesn't exist but I am saying
question why it hurts as bad as it does, question your thoughts about what
happened and aim to find out if you aren't the one that keeps stabbing yourself
in a wound that wasn't so deep to begin with. Ask yourself why you are choosing
to stay in that place of hurt; do you think it validates you, you think if you
stay there long enough it takes something away from the person who hurt you or
are you staying there because you are making excuses, using what happened as a
scapegoat that's exempting you from taking responsibility and doing what you
must.
Don't get caught up in
the sympathy that comes with having an injury that you end up not realizing
when you have healed because you are afraid you will lose the attention
that came with being injured. Eventually the band aid needs to come off,
you need to let go of the things that caused you pain and realize that
you are responsible for yourself and no one can take anything away from you
that you don't willingly give
