This picture and others similar to it, depicting the same message has been doing the rounds on social networks for a while now. Whenever I saw the picture, I would scroll right passed it. It didn't say anything to me, it wasn't worth my attention till now. Someone shared it and it somehow made an appearance on my timeline and something about it caught my attention and got me thinking.
It was last year after a nasty break up that I first heard about "soul ties", I was listening to a show on radio on Sunday morning and the pastor was talking about these soul ties. How we never completely break up with people because we hold on to things and memories made and these things are then dragged into our present and future when we should have left them in the past. The pastor went as far as saying when you break up with someone, you shouldn't keep anything that would be a reminder of the relationship if you were serious about moving on.
I wanted to move on, I wanted to forget but there was no way I was willing to give up the shoes I had gotten from that relationship. Silly right? I mean I was so angry with my ex that after he left, I burned all his clothes and sneakers that he had forgotten when he moved out but I was not willing to part ways with the shoes. Not yet anyways! I had never heard about soul ties in all the years I had been going to church and this pastor was not about to convince me of anything. When you not ready to face reality no one can tell you anything and I certainly wasn't buying into this soul ties business.
Fast forward to a few months later, I'm at a Women's Conference and the speaker mentions soul ties and in the week that follows, a friend of mine on Facebook shares a video clip on soul ties. God are you trying to tell me something? You see I have never believed in coincidence, I honestly don't have a picture of God in my head, sitting and thinking how He can amuse Himself. So I believe everything happens for a reason, though we don't always know what those reasons are. I watched the video clip and for the first time I think I get what these soul ties are about, why we need to be weary of them and break them off when we realise that we have made unGodly soul ties. Until you really ready to hear what God is saying to you, you will miss all the ways in which He tries to speak to you. I think only when you clear the clutter in your head and life can you really hear what He is saying and has been saying all along. Soul ties!
After watching that clip, I attended a workshop where my friend was speaking on soul ties. How we give of ourselves and get left with what wasn't ours to begin with when the relationship ends. When my relationship ended, I was left with indescribable guilt and shame and anger that had me thinking thoughts I can't even repeat to you reading this right now. He came and left me with all these negative feelings and thoughts that were not there, that I didn't want. And more importantly, he left me feeling like I was not enough for anyone to ever love me. I was saying I want to move on but behind closed doors I was looking at pictures of days gone by, stalking his social media accounts to see what he was up to and with whom. I was saying one thing while a large part of me was still hoping he would come back. It didn't matter that he brushed me off or spoke harshly to me when I made contact with him, I still thought he would come back to his senses and at the time, that meant him coming home - where I would welcome him with open arms, no questions asked.
I made a vow to myself to remain single for a year, that is how much time I was giving him to get his act together. Days, weeks, months went by and the decision to remain single was no longer about him but who I was becoming and how I was starting to love the person I was looking at in the mirror. If you think my ex was solely to blame for the break up, you are wrong. I played my part too and played it well. I knew which buttons to press and on numerous occasions I went full on crazy on the guy. If I were him I would have run too.
That's the beauty of taking some time out. Realising that you weren't particularly a victim in how the relationship played out. Knowing that you have to be still, to find you first so you don't end up giving of yourself to someone who doesn't deserve you. In the past 15 months I have learned so much about myself, the things I like and those I don't, the ones I keep working at to improve. Had I jumped into another relationship without taking the time to reflect, I would probably go into a situation that was doomed from the beginning.
Going back to soul ties. Look at that picture and tell me it doesn't scare you. It doesn't scare you that you may be giving all you have to someone who can't give you anything back in return. That it doesn't scare you that every time you give a piece of yourself to someone and they leave, you are left with less than what you had and eventually you may have nothing else to give to the person who will be deserving of your everything. It sure as hell scares me.
I want to be equally yoked, I want someone to compliment me not complete me. I want to cling on to someone and be completely vulnerable and know they are giving as good as they are getting. I want someone to see parts of me the world knows nothing about and trust them not to use that to destroy me. I want crazy, raw love, the kind that we can't explain to anyone. I want someone who is afraid to lose me yet give me his heart like forever is guaranteed.I want someone who can't go a day without talking to me. Someone who dreams with me and works equally hard to make those dreams come true. I want a Godly soul tie.
I realize to get what I have never had, I need to change how I have always played the game. I still have loads of work to do in me, so much to learn. I know I need to prepare myself to be the kind of woman who can accept and embrace what I yearn for because if I am not ready, I may push away the very thing I want when it arrives. I'm no expert on soul ties but I know I want and need a Godly tie, not just any relationship to pass time. Yes I am getting older but ultimately waiting is better than being an incomplete person sleeping next to a skeleton and using the bits of me trying to revive a situation that I should have never been in in the first place. I am willing to wait. Because now that I have broken those toxic soul ties and I am finally getting back what I had lost in them, there is no way I am going back to that life again. I'm not prepared to be the woman in the picture, giving and giving and getting nothing in return.
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