RESOLUTIONS

It's almost that time of the year when people will be making resolutions and vowing to do this and that and change one thing or the other in the New Year. For the longest time I was one of those people, who always had a long list of things I wanted to do and change in the new year. I don't subscribe to the idea of resolutions anymore.

Simply because time has taught me that any change that you want to make is not tied to the beginning of a new year. Every day you wake up, you are availed another chance, a clean slate so to speak and with that comes the choice to do what you want. To know that the minute you realise you have been travelling the wrong route, you can change. You don't have to wait for January the 1st to change the things you don't like.

Truth is I think more than waiting for the clock to strike midnight on the 31st of December, we need to work on changing our thoughts. Is it the Bible that says "as a man thinks so he is," it doesn't matter how long that list of resolutions is, if you go into the new year with the same thoughts that you had this year, chances are you will produce the same results. So rather than waiting on the new year make a decision to regularly reflect on your life and the direction that it is going and if you spot anything that you don't like, evaluate your thoughts and how they may be influencing your results. When you find a correlation, make the needed changes upstairs before you even think of what action to take.

By all means have goals but instead of that list of resolutions you usually make. List what you want to achieve, how you are going to do it and assign a time frame to those goals. More importantly work on your thoughts and get rid of any self-limiting talk that goes on in your head. When you believe you can achieve it and see the victory in your mind, that list you compile will serve as motivation for you and not just something that fizzles out by March of the new year. ALL THE BEST WITH 2015. Make it count. Make it a turning point.

WHAT DO YOU STAND FOR?

Our teen years are usually categorised by a lot of learning and confusion and trying to find our direction in life. One of the things that stands out during this time is our need for peer acceptance, breaking away from our parents and finally being able to make our own decisions. Decisions that don't even turn out to be our own because we are so hell bent on trying to win the approval and validation of our peers. With your late twenties comes a shift in focus and finally coming to a place where you know who you are and what it is you want from life.

Unfortunately the transition is not natural for all of us and it's sad to watch grown people still not knowing what it is that they stand for, their decisions are still based on trying to be accepted and loved by those they regard as important. The problem with trying to live a life that is centred around pleasing everyone around you but yourself is that, you never win because no matter what you do there will always be a few people who don't approve and therefore don't accept you on the basis of the choices you have made. Not only that but it's rather tiring trying to always think of the next person before you take any action in your life. I am by no means saying we should blindly do things without considering how they may impact others but sometimes being selfish is a good thing especially when no one is getting hurt as a result of you putting yourself first.

The people we gain by pretending to be who we aren't are not even worth having in your life because the right people will always love you for the right reasons. That means they can look passed your flaws and differences and embrace the person that you are. There must be things that you believe in, things that you stand for and while those things may not always win you the approval of everyone or even popularity, it should be enough for you just knowing that you are true to yourself.

Not everyone will understand or love you and it's not even your job to make them change their minds about what they think. I am of the belief that when you stick to who you are and what you believe in, the right doors will open and the right people will naturally gravitate towards you. Effortless and definitely a win-win situation in my eyes. Life is so much simpler when you don't feel the need to hide your true self and when you can be as crazy and silly as you want around people and know that they don't love you any less or think differently about you.

There is a popular saying that, "if you don't stand for anything you will fall for everything." That's how you find yourself going in whichever direction the wind is blowing and your no means yes and yes means no. Don't fall victim to seeking approval of the people you love so much so that you don't know who you are outside of that acceptance. Seek to know who you are and what you stand for and trust the Universe to bring people along your path who will not only understand that but share the same sentiments as well. Also learn that differences are inevitable and it doesn't mean either one of us has to change to fit what the other thinks is ideal but that we can learn to co-exist and still love each other the same even if we don't see everything through the same lense. Cultivate your own thoughts and beliefs by not accepting everything at face value and when you have come to learn that which you stand for,  don't try and impose it on everyone else. Stand for something or risk falling for what everyone else stands for.

WHEN YOU HAVEN'T HEALED

I attended a Conference for women and teens the other day, it's something that one of the guest speakers said that brought this specific piece to light for me. You know those moments when you listening to someone speak and it lights a bulb in your head and heart and brings to the fore something you didn't necessarily not know before but they say it in such a way that it forces you to look at your life and face things you may have swept under the carpet.

How many of us are walking around broken and bruised and don't even realise it? Something happened in your life and you put on a brave face and convinced yourself that it didn't matter and then something that someone said revealed to you that you hadn't healed. I think so many of us are preoccupied with not falling apart that anything that vaguely tries to bring unbalance in our lives is ignored. We never let the wounds of what happened heal themselves in a natural way instead we try and speed up the process by numbing ourselves. We all have different crutches that we use,  for some it's alcohol, ensuring that we are so busy we never have time to think about our hurts or just plainly refuse to acknowledge that we are in pain.

So we go on about the day, pretending not to have a care in the world. We almost succeed at playing it cool and showing the world that we have it all under control. Until something very minor happens and sets us off on a downward spiral into the depth of depression. What happens when you haven't healed? You live a superficial life, one where you playing a role that's not a true reflection of all that is burning inside of you. You have answers to anything and everything but never to the troubles that make you toss and turn at night, in public you are the epitome of strength and yet in private you barely know your left from right.  You haven't healed.

You took what was bothering you and put on a band aid and turned the other way in the hope that the wound will go away all by itself. But it doesn't. It may appear to be gone for a short period but I guarantee you that anything you have not dealt with will one way or the other find its way to the surface again. What happens when you haven't healed.

Just as physically the body is able to heal itself, we need to allow our emotional scars the time to go through the healing process in a natural way. That means not rushing the process and trying to pretend that what hurt you didn't. I am in no way saying that one should wallow in self pity and give in to their circumstances but know that healing is a process and the time frame for all of us is different. It's okay to admit when you have not healed and to realise that,  trying to fake it will only delay the process. Embrace your hurt and how it makes you feel, give yourself time and when you have gone through the motions, you can truly move on without looking back. When you haven't healed, you deny yourself the opportunity to live a full life and when you are walking around bruised and broken, you risk hurting others you come across. Only when we have dealt with our pain and allowed time to heal us can we give ourselves the best and ultimately those we interact with too.

LESSONS LEARNT

A friend and I went out for dinner the other way. We hadnt seen each other for a while so naturally the conversation was about updating each other on what has been happening in our lives.  The joys and struggles and how we have felt about both. In the middle of the chat I said these words, "don't you sometimes wish we could turn back the clock and make different choices but I suppose we would still make the same mistakes even if we could because we would still not have learned all we know today."

In that brief moment I found myself at peace with everything that has happened in life and how things turned out. For the first time in a long time, I wasn't beating myself up for the wrong choices I had made but instead realised that there was no way things could have been different.  I am only a better person today because of everything I had gone through. The mistakes were lessons learnt, lessons I wouldn't have otherwise acquired.

I think a lot of times we blame ourselves for the mistakes we made and always wish we could be given a chance to go back in time and correct them but fail to realise that this is how we grow and learn in life. Going back doesn't guarantee that we will make wiser decisions or be able to avoid the flaws of the past. We can only learn what we know through reflection and that sadly means that what happened had to happen so we can be the people that we are today.

Only when we stop regretting the bad maze we had to go through can we truly embrace the lessons that we have been taught and do better because we now know better. As cliché as it sounds it holds so much truth, we can't change the past but can use what we know now to influence the present and therefore change the future. Don't dwell on the mistakes for too long but only look at them long enough to see what the lesson is in the experience, what you can take from it and what you can do better next time. In that way your mistakes will always be your stepping stone, propelling you to the next level and phase of your life.

When you have done that, you can look back with gratitude at how things have panned out and how you have grown from your bad experiences.

FIND YOUR OWN TRUTH

I have aspirations of being a motivational speaker, a writer who puts words down that make an impact on someone else's life but I don't aim to make what I say the universal truth. I write and speak what is truth for me and hope that it will resonate with someone out there.  Yet I do not in any way want to make my experiences and what I know the only truth there is.

I use social networks quite a lot to put my message across and well to generally vent about this and that which I observe. At the same time I love to read about other people's thoughts and experiences and use what they share to learn. We can never claim to know it all and even in trying to hold on to what we believe is truth, we should still be open minded and adaptable enough to leave some room for learning from others. But I have just this one thing that nags me.

People who believe their truth is the gospel and that there is only one way of looking at things and that is their way. Social networks have opened the door for us to take in a lot of information but at the same time, the information we receive can be misleading and quite honestly biased. I have a problem with people taking their personal experiences and making them universal, because something happened a certain way for you, it automatically means it will happen the same way for others. That is misleading.

My experiences and feelings may be similar to that of the next person but can they ever be completely the same? We may have the same experience but the dynamics that lead to it will surely differ and so will what we take from the experience. It would be a misrepresentation to put across what I know as the only way there is. People read books about someone's experience or observation and immediately turn that into their mini bible that dictates what they do and the choices they make. They listen to speakers and famous people relate their stories and that suddenly becomes the only angle from which they view life.  That is flawed.

I think it's important that while being open to other views, we still make an effort to search for our own truth. What someone else has done and gone through can't be a reliable foundation on which you base your life and future decisions. While I am all for the idea of people sharing their struggles and stories of triumph, that should not be the only lens which we use to view life. Human beings are too complex to box into a one size fits all idea of what life is.  Our backgrounds, history and experiences differ and therefore we differ too.

Amidst the vast sources of information at our disposal, how we live and what we do should still be based on what we know personally and what we have seen work in our lives. We all have our methods and ultimately all want to get to a place where we are at peace and living out our purpose. Even success is not universal, for one it might be a mansion on the hills and for another it may be simply living with content.  What we call success will depend on who we are and what we deem important in life, one person's method can't be the only way.

We should all strive to find the perfect balance between learning from others while still maintaining who we are and what makes us unique. No person, I don't care how successful has the formula to life. We do what we can with what we have and hope for the best. Find your own truth, that which works for you. It need not match with what society says as long as at the end of it all, it brings you to what makes you complete and happy and feeling like you have conquered.

SIMPLE PLEASURES

I was on a work trip the other day and finally got to ride on the Gautrain. My excitement was on another level, I was like a child in a toy store. I took pictures of every moment and made sure that I had proof of my crowning moment. It may seem silly to most but it was in enjoying this for all it was that I realised something: Life is not the grand moments that we wait for in our lives but the simple things that we overlook in our daily lives

So many of us spend our years in a trance-like state waiting on big moments to whisk us away and sweep us off our feet. In living that way we miss the everyday moments that seem insignificant that have the power to ignite in us pure joy. It's the simple moments like riding on a train, hearing from a friend, passing an exam, managing to wake up and exercise when we said we would, it's waking up in the morning and still having breath in our bodies. These are these moments in life that we have reduced to mundane that should be giving us the joy we seek.

Yet often we wait on grand gestures, we tell ourselves that the occasion needs to be big before we celebrate it. In an effort to wait on those moments, we risk looking back one day and realising that we missed all that life was. If you are waiting around for the moments you want, you will miss those ones that you have that are just as worthy of a celebration as the "big ones"

I was recently telling a friend and sister who has just quit her job to start a business to embrace the process and to celebrate each step accomplished in the process. The celebration needs not wait till the business is up and running and making money to be celebrated. Finally quitting the job, coming up with a name, getting registered etc those are the small moments she should pat herself on the back for reaching. If the main focus is the end result, she will totally miss the small moments in the journey that should have also brought joy in her life.

Life is not only about the finished product, it's not in finally having the title you dream of or the bank balance that affords you what you desire but it is about the journey getting there. It's about the falls and gains, it's about what you do wrong and get right, it's about finding joy in the mundane and ordinary. It's about allowing yourself to feel each and every moment of your journey and learning to celebrate not just the milestones but the simple pleasures hidden in every day that God gives you.

LIVE

Most of us are comfortable with what we know, we trust what we are familiar with and that is what makes embracing change so hard. We want to be in control and be able to maintain it at all costs. When things change we go into a frenzy because it forces us to forge into the unknown. Where we feel helpless and despondent because with change comes the loss of what is comfortable and familiar. Change is the only constant they say which means it's the only thing we can be guaranteed to always be present in our lives.

Some changes are self-imposed, we consciously seek them while some changes occur without our input and those are the ones we struggle with the most. When what we want to hold on to slips our fingers and life as we know it becomes a distant memory. When suddenly all you knew to be true becomes a lie and you look at your life and don't even know how you got there. Then instead of embracing the changes that are, you want to do everything in your power to go back to how it used to be.

Life shows us the perfect example of change in the 4 seasons that we experience every year.  The summer days that we enjoy, the autumn when all is brown and dull and the leaves fall, the winter that has us hiding in our homes trying to keep warm which eventually paves the way for spring when flowers bloom and life becomes the beauty we know it to be.  What all this teaches us is that each season has its characteristics and each one makes way for the next season. No matter how hot it gets, you are assured of the cooling that comes with autumn and no matter how cold it gets in winter, you know that spring will make its way again.

Change is like those 4 seasons of life, with each change paving the way to your next phase of life. There is little you can do to speed up the process, little you can do to stop to the changes. Your only option is in embracing the change and holding on till the next phase if the one you are in now is the not a desirable phase. When times are good you know that bad is always lurking around waiting to make its entrance, the same way when things are bad you should know that good is waiting to honour you with its presence.

Without change we are simply standing still, rotating around the same areas of our lives without growth. Times need to change so that we grow, we need to lose ourselves in the chaos of what is in order to find ourselves or recreate ourselves. Change is an opportunity to learn, about who we are and about life. Change is an opportunity to see beyond what is comfortable and familiar. When you are trying to hold on to what you know, you never learn about all that you can be and all that life can offer. And sometimes when the initial storm of change has passed, you learn to see life with a complete set of new eyes. And maybe even see that what you were content with wasn't even a fraction of what you could have.

Because we are not always brave enough to make changes, life will sometimes impose them on us. It's in those moments when you feel lost and confused that you should make the decision to live. To trust that a greater Being exists in the Universe, who is always working things out for your good. It's in fearlessly forging into the unknown that you discover all that life could be. Something you will never experience by holding on to only what you know and fighting against change. Life can only be lived by being flexible and by sometimes allow the winds of change to lead you where God wants you to be.

LETTER TO MY DAUGHTER

I wish many things for you,  success, health and a meaningful life but above all I hope that you grow up to be a strong and firm woman.
My reason for that is because I have seen how cruel life can be, just how difficult things can be and I know that despite how much I love you, I cannot always be there to protect you and as much as I would love to carry your burdens for you, I won't always be able to do that.

 

So I hope that if I can get anything right in this life,  that it be how I taught you that there is nothing you can't overcome. I can never prepare you enough,  because no matter how many times we face challenges in our lives, they still hit us with the same intensity and we never feel prepared. But never forget the power that lies within you and the strength that you possess because that will ensure you are never tempted to quit no matter what you come across.

 

You will fail and that's okay, I didn't make it this far in life by always getting it right. Sometimes we have to fall flat on our faces to learn whatever it is that we need to learn. Failure is a teacher, it gives you experience that you can never get from books. When you fall know that it is not the end, get up and shake the dirt off and look forward still to life and all the beauty in it. Failure should never make you afraid to try again, to put yourself out there and continue on your race. If and when you do fail at something, that shouldn't be the scale you use to weigh your worth but rather it should be an opportunity to look at alternatives that you didn't see before, to try other methods till you get it right. The lessons you gather from your failures will make you a better person and yes it won't always feel that way but trust me,  I know that for a fact.

 

You will get hurt and your heart will get broken, sometimes so bad that even taking your next breath seems difficult. That's okay too. Sometimes we need to hurt in order to re-invent ourselves. When it feels like all the pieces off your heart are scattered on the floor, you have the advantage of picking them up and putting them back together in a way that suits you. That means, you get another chance to choose the person that you want to be. Hurt will come in many forms and some instances will hurt way more than others but you will always heal. Trust me again on this one, I know. Just as people will hurt you, you too will hurt others, some intentionally but most times without even being aware. That's okay, we all have flaws and make mistakes. Forgive yourself and don't hold on to the guilt and shame, ask for forgiveness and receive it from God even if the person you have hurt chooses not to give it to you. We live and we learn.

 

Be you. Whatever you is or means. Not everyone will embrace you or accept you and that's okay. Remain true to what you feel and stand firm in your beliefs. We seldom have to change for the people who genuinely love us so always believe that by being completely and honestly you, the right people will gravitate towards you and love what they get when they arrive. Society will always have rules on how you should live and what you should do, if anything feels vaguely uncomfortable to you, choose to disregard it. Make choices that you can live with,  not ones that make you popular. If you can go to bed at night knowing that you did your best and put no one in harm's way, you would have done your part.

 

I said in the beginning life is cruel but the truth is life is beautiful. Just not always packaged in a way that we agree with. Doesn't matter what cards you are dealt, wake up everyday and show up with a smile and always give to life what you want it to give back to you.

 

I love you Miss Universe

DONT FALL IN LOVE WITH A WOMAN WHO READS

I came across this poem on the internet and just had to share. The original version was written in Spanish and someone else took the time to translate it for our reading pleasure. I did not get who the original writer is:

Don’t fall in love with a woman who reads, who feels intensely, a women who writes…..

Don’t fall in love with an educated, magical, delirious, or crazy woman.
Don’t fall in love with a woman who thinks, who understands what she knows and also knows how to fly, a woman sure of herself.
Don’t fall in love with a woman who laughs or cries while making love,
That knows how to turn into spirit her flesh, let alone one that loves poetry (those are the most dangerous), or one that spends half an hour contemplating a painting and doesn’t know how to live without music.
Don’t fall in love with a woman interested in politics, is rebellious, and
Feels an immense horror from injustices. One that doesn’t like TV at all.
Nor a woman who is beautiful, regardless of the features of her face or her body.
Don’t fall in love with an intense, playful, lucid, and irreverent woman. You don’t want to fall in love with a woman like that, because when you fall in
Love with a woman like that, whether she stays with you or not, whether she loves you or not,
From a woman like that you never recover.

TRIBUTE TO MAMA

Today my late mother would have celebrated her birthday. I wrote a little something in her memory:

I still remember the last day I saw
A vision so vivid it was feels like yesterday
If only I knew that it would be the last time I see you
What would I have done differently?
What would I have said?
Time gone by but the memories still fresh
How I wish God would have granted us just a little bit more time together
So far away yet so near in my heart
The place where you still live and reside
Didn't they tell me time heals all wounds
They lied. They lie.  They don't know what they speak off
Time doesn't heal
Only makes it bearable to live without you
But the void ever large in my life
Nothing has even began to fill the space you left
So many questions and no one to pose them to
Are you proud of the woman I have become?
Are you proud of the mother that I am to your grandchild?
Are you proud of the way I have lived my life?
I will never know
The answers I will never find
But through the pain I wake up everyday
And hope to be half the woman you were
I continue to celebrate you
Because I am only because you were
You live on
In our spirits and the bonds we continue to share
You died but through us you live eternally

HURT PEOPLE HURT OTHERS

I once heard Bishop T.D Jakes preaching on this specific topic but it didn’t make sense to me at the time. You would think that someone who has been hurt is in a better position to love and nurture the next person because they know the pain of being hurt and wouldn’t want to inflict it on anyone else. That is sometimes the case but not always the norm. Hurt people hurt others.

Take someone who has grown up in an abusive family, they grow up watching their parents fight and in more cases than not, the fights are physical. This person grows up seeing this as a norm therefore to them, this is the way that people live, this is the way that life is supposed to be and this is how people in love treat eachother. Because this is seen as normal and internalised from a young age, they are more likely to go into an abusive relationship themselves, either as the perpetrator or the victim. As a perpetrator this is how they exert their control, this is how they maintain the “status quo” and as a victim, they rationalise that I grew up seeing my mom or dad take this from their partner so this is part of the dynamics of a relationship.

There are no set signs to spot an abusive person and sometimes you never even see it coming until it hits you (literally). We all say it will never happen to me until you find yourself in that situation and don’t have the courage to walk away. All the things that you ever told yourself about how you would react to it should it happen are soon forgotten and you find yourself taking it. Abusers are usually very clever and manipulative and long before it even gets physical you realise that, the abuse had been there all along but in the emotional form.

They isolate you from your family and friends and tell you all these things that break down your self-esteem, so that when it gets to the physical part, you don’t have what it takes to walk away and you believe that you deserve the treatment that they are giving you. Your self-worth is compromised if not already non-existent and it is that much more difficult to walk away because nothing in you believes that it deserves better.

Abuse carries with it a vicious cycle that is often to hard to curb. You see it, then you experience it and leave only to turn around and turn from victim to perpetrator. This is how hurt people hurt others. They haven’t dealt with the demons of their past and that makes it difficult for them to thrive and grow in a normal relationship. So they create drama and pick fights, just so they can have something to ignite their anger. The sad thing is that, the anger seldom has anything to do with the person that they are with now, but more to do with unresolved issues from their previous relationship.

It is important to understand that, one does not just leave an unstable or abusive relationship and pick up the pieces of their heart and go on as if nothing happened. The anger and bitterness and hurt of that relationship may not show themselves until later on. Then it finds ways to manifest itself in other ways in your life, conflict with others, constantly looking for fights where they aren’t any, misplaced anger etc. Everything that we do not deal with in the present always finds its way back to us in the future. When it first happens, you may not even recognise where it comes from until you retrace your steps and look back.

Abuse has devastating effects on those who are affected and it is not just a matter of walking away and thinking that you are ready to move on. It is advisable to seek help, to deal with what has happened to you, how the abuse affected you emotionally and your current state of mind. Once you have worked through the past and made peace with it, you can truly try to be in another relationship. Abuse affects the way that you see yourself and what you think about yourself and those are but some of the issues that you need to deal with before you attempt to even love someone else or be in another relationship.

If you do not deal with the hurt of the past, you will find yourself in a situation where you cant even embrace love from another should you find it. You may end up hurting the next person because you have not dealt with your hurt.

SEEK CHRIST

A friend of mine send me a piece today that she wrote and wanted to know what I thought about it. So many thoughts crossed my mind as I was reading it and for a second there it felt like she had written down my exact thoughts. 

 How many of us can proudly and honestly say that our life is grounded in Christ? I sadly can't say that, the last few years I have been going to church, being actively involved in church activities and even prayed but the truth is, when I look at it now I realise that my life was not rooted in Him.
What I mean is that life was so good that I forgot to seek Him in the things that I was doing and the decisions I was making. I went with what felt right instead of praying that I was doing what He wanted me to do with my life. I lost my focus and instead I turned to the world to find my happiness and what I thought was joy in this life.  And for a second I was in control and I needed nothing from Him or so I thought.

 It's only when you sit down and realise what you have lost that you now begin to trace back your steps to see where you went wrong. I found that place where I tripped and fell and was not even aware that is how I was failing. I began to walk in front of God and believed that I knew better and in the process I made decisions I was not supposed to make and did things that were totally out of character. I look back in disappointment at the person I had become but never hopeless that once we accept our wrongdoings we are now in a better position to change things and change ourselves.
It is easy to run to God when we have messed up but the sad reality is that when we back on the wagon, we soon forget about Him again. But I learnt a lesson that I will carry with me for the rest of my life and that is to seek Christ at all times,  whether good or bad.

 It's to get to a point where all I do is rooted in Him as a foundation. Where I find myself in His love and act from His principles. We can never take back the past, but we can change the present and therefore the future. By seeking Christ and never moving away from His wisdom and presence, it's acknowledging that we don't know it all and that we need Him in our lives.

 I am seeking Christ, to heal and to live once again as the woman He had always intended me to be. I am seeking Christ to be my peace and to be the voice that guides my actions from here onwards. And I am seeking Christ to build such a strong relationship with Him that I never default again in being His child.

I am seeking Christ, to heal and to live once again as the woman He had always intended me to be. I am seeking Christ to be my peace and to be the voice that guides my actions from here onwards. And I am seeking Christ to build such a strong relationship with Him that I never default again in being His child

FAILURE IS NOT FINAL

We have all at a point in our lives tried to do something but failed, but failure is not final. It is only final when we stop trying and give up.

The truth is failure is a learning curve, it is life’s way of teaching us what we need to know so that we may be better people and better equipped to deal with the things that life throws at us. We have all gone through failure, whether it be in business, relationships or other areas of our lives. It can be devastating to deal with, it can even make one hopeless because you believe that, you will never get right, whatever it is that you are trying to achieve.

The truth is some of the most valuable lessons we will ever learn, we learn from failure. And when we don’t let that define who we are, we then gain experience that we wouldn’t have otherwise learned from life.

Failure is a lesson. A chance to try again, knowing now what you didn’t know when you started out before. Failure is a chance to change direction, when we realise that we have been travelling on the wrong road. Failure is an opportunity not a rejection. Failure is what you go through, not who you are. Just because you failed at something doesn’t mean that you are a failure.

Anything that we want in life is never handed over to us, we have to fight for it and work for it. Along the way, we encounter failures, we trip and we fall and things do not work out the way that we planned. Sometimes we make the wrong choices and that is what leads us to fail. Our dreams and aspirations should be so firm that not even failure or the fear of failure stops us from pursuing the things that we want. Sometimes we do not even fail in the literal sense but we fail in our heads, we convince ourselves that our dreams are too big for us and that we don’t have what it takes to achieve and accomplish the things that we want.

When you encounter failure in any area of your life. Here are 3 things that you need to do:

1.    Reflect

We are usually quick to write ourselves off or become despondent because things have not worked out the way that we hoped. We concentrate solely on what went wrong that we miss the lesson that is carried in the experience. So the next time, you are faced with failure in your life. Sit and take the time to reflect, what went wrong? What choices could I have made differently? What lesson can I take from this experience?

2.    Make a decision

Once you have reflected and gathered whatever information lies in your failure, you are now equipped with experience and the know how that you did not have before. Now you are ready to make a decision, plot a way forward. Where will you go from here? What will you do differently to ensure that you do not fail again? What lessons will you embrace from this experience?

3.    Get up and try again

When you are done reflecting, you have looked back and seen where you went wrong, you have made a decision to try a new method or new way to do what you want. Now you get up and try again. Not with the attitude of a failure but as a completely different person, one who now knows all the things you didn’t know before. And you tell yourself that failure is not an option.

None of us sitting here today can say we don’t know what it feels like to fail or to try something out but it doesn’t work out. We have all gone through that road and we know the feelings that come with not getting things right. But we should also realise that without falling as we did in the past, none of us would be the women that we are today. We have the strength and experience that we have today because we failed at something and learned from the experience.

Whatever failure you are facing today, embrace the process with a smile because you will not be the same person that you were before your storm. You will emerge refined and you will be a better person for having faced what you did. Failure is not final, it is only final when we give up and stop trying.

BEING FAR AWAY FROM HOME

I recently started a new job, recently meaning that I have only been in this post for 2 weeks. It was clear from the beginning that the position would involve a lot of travelling and me loving new scenery and exploring, it appeared that this was the perfect job for me. That has not changed, I still believe that I am in the right place, doing exactly what I want to do.

What I did miss to think through with the travelling ofcourse is the amount of time I would be spending away from home. In the 2 weeks that I have been in this job, 5 days have been spent away from home. Shu! I was not prepared for that and I know that in time I will get used to it but at the moment it is just so surreal. I take my hat off in respect to all the parents out there for who work far away from home. That is a major sacrifice and certainly not an easy decision to make.

I miss seeing my hubby at the end of the day and being curled up in his arms, I miss my little girl and her antics, the energy with which she can just get up to mischief and not listen when I say no. I miss going home to cook for them and then having the pleasure of seeing them going to bed full and happy. It is amazing how all the small things that seem tedious as you do them, turn out to be the very things that you miss when you are away from home.

Weird how we get home and start chatting on whatsapp, doing this and that yet when you are alone in a hotel room with all the time in the world, all you want is to be home and have someone to talk to, to laugh with and to vent to about your day. Somehow phone conversations, no matter how attached we are to our phones, are not the same as actually having someone there and talking to them.

It is going to take some getting used to but I love my job and wouldn't want to change anything about it. I just have to keep reminding myself of the reason why I am here and that I am ultimately doing this for my family.

GOD HAS A SENSE OF HUMOUR

Have you ever just looked at your life and wondered what God was thinking? Or find yourself in a state of panic because you felt that you were losing your grip on life? Then it seems like in the moments that you feel that way, God is watching you from some LCD screen having a good laugh at you. Sometimes I feel that way, then things work out and I think, God is probably having a little giggle over my lack of faith.

The truth is, we are usually quick to react with panic and terror when things do not go as we planned them and in the midst of running around like headless chickens trying to make things alright or to fix them, we forget to simply surrender control to the One who should have been in control from the first place.

You know what I love about God? He wont force Himself on you, even when He sees that you are drowning in yourself, He is that type of gentleman who will always wait that you ask before He invades in your business. Most of the time, we tend to think that we are capable and have it all figured out, that's when He places a pool in front of us and has a little chuckle watching us try to swim our way through. Knowing very well that all He is waiting for, is for us to ask and then He will rescue us from drowning.

Often we find ourselves worrying over things that He already has answers for and we waste precious time, trying to prove to God knows who that we can do it on our own. But we miss that we dont need to, we have Him at our disposal, waiting on us to just seek His wisdom and guidance, waiting on us to just call on Him so that He can work it out.

I recently found myself in a fearful situation, my first reaction was to try and gather the little knowledge I have to fix the problem but infact all I was doing was denying God the chance to work in my life, the chance to use me and the chance to give me more than I ever imagined for myself. So it hit me last night, stop living life like you have it all figured out, God is the author of your life and what He is busy writing may be far different from what you are busy writing. With that said, I decided to trust Him enough to never lead me where His grace and mercy will not follow me. And I took the plunge today to do, what the next person may deem stupid but is actually an act of faith for me.

To new beginnings!

AN ANGEL IN OUR MIDST

I have always known from a young age that I wanted children of my own, growing up an only child I promised myself at least 3 so that they wouldn't grow up alone like me. I am by no means saying that I had a lonely childhood, quite the contrary, I was always surrounded by family and lots of cousins. You know what they say about cousins being our very first best friends? Because we grow up dressing the same and doing all sorts of things together. Well that is how it was with me and my cousins.

But the holidays always ended and I wished that I at least had a sibling to go home with. My mother had me when she was 35 years, so it was very unlikely at that age that she would have another child. Being an only child had its perks though, it was not always bad, in fact a majority of the time, I had a blast.

Anyways we are here with this blog.................I met someone, who at the time I thought was the world to me and we sat down and planned for a child. Yes!!!! It was planned, not those oops kind of moments where you miss your periods and go into a frenzy when you find out that you are pregnant. We actually wanted a child and believed that we were both ready for the responsibility and commitment that came with raising one. Sadly life did not go as we had planned, but I have no regrets and I always say, no matter how things ended or why we parted, a beautiful and precious life came out of that relationship.

My Sunshine, my angel, my breath and my life. Orapetsoe Lethabo Lenkoe. I honestly cannot go back to a time before she was born and recall what was so fantastic about it then. Being a mother to this incredible soul has given me so much joy and peace, well the peace part is sometimes a bit of a blur but even if I were given the chance to do things over, to make different choices, I would probably want to change alot of things but she wouldnt be one of the things I change. I always knew that my mother loved me but I never really understood the depth of that love till I had my own daughter. I sometimes look in awe, trying to figure out how God could have trusted me that much to care for her innocent soul.

It is scary, so much goes through your mind and you wonder whether you will be all that she needs, if you can provide her with all that she needs. On the flip side, knowing that God entrusted this life to you reassures you and tells you that, you surely have what it takes. God is not known for making random decisions that must mean that I was chosen for a reason.

I live everyday and pray to be a Mother that she can look up to, someone that she can always run to when the world has her in a corner. More than anything, I wish that God would grant me the years and life to see her age and achieve all that she dreams of in this life. In the present, I hope to be a model of humanity and kindness to her, a sign of hope and resilience and a reminder that no matter what life throws your way, you never ever give up.

THE FAT BLUES

If you are one of those women who has never struggled with their weight, kudos to you. I say women because even though men should also worry about their health and eating patterns, the trend seems to be women who worry the most about how they look and what their weight is. Maybe I am being sexist but who cares? Or maybe women are just more vocal about it than men are and we therefore assume that men are not as bothered about their weight as we are.
Beginning of the year started on a high, ready to tackle this weight issue and beat it once and for all. Ha, how quickly the hype dies down and we forget the resolutions that we made and before you know it you are back to eating burgers and chips, fizzy drinks and all the nasty things you said you would leave, you find yourself indulging in them again, without guilt may I add. No one should ask you anything, you don't owe anyone an explanation. God forbid a colleague has the guts to remind you 2 months into the year that you said you were changing your eating habits......if looks could kill, they would die on the spot. So you continue with your old habits, no care in the world. At least that is what happened to me, I was all committed then somewhat lost it along the way and went back to my not so desirably habits and lost myself in the comfort and when my eyes opened, NONE OF THE JEANS IN MY CLOSET FIT.
Nothing brings you back to reality quicker than realizing that you have nothing to wear. As it is, women can have a closet full of clothes but still feel like they have nothing to wear. Imagine that being true, as in literally true. You have nothing to wear but the leggings that you bought a year ago because fortunately for you, they stretch. So the bigger you become, the better they stretch. But you can only wear leggings for so long before they lack of variety start to bore you. What do you do? Go and buy new clothes to accommodate your new size? What about all the other stuff in your wardrobe, what happens to those? Ja, giving them to charity may seem noble but will you buy clothes every 2nd month to accommodate the new weight because if you don’t do anything about it now, certainly means that you are making room for more weight to come your way.
So I made another resolution. I will not buy any new clothes until I fit back into my old jeans and the pants I bought a few months ago that I have not worn till now because they don’t fit. By the way, am I the only person who does that? Like something so much that I buy it and then vow to myself to work out till it fits but never do? I do and I never learn. Forget the health benefits to maintaining a healthy weight, look right here to the now. The extra lumps just kills my vibe nje, I mean I am recently married…….I want to catwalk my way around the house in sexy lingerie but I can’t do that now can I? It just looks plain weird to me, then the thing doesn’t sit quite right, which means it does not achieve the desired look that one is trying to go for.
The weight struggle is a battle many of us fight each and every day but we pretend that it doesn’t bother us, we make fun of ourselves and judge ourselves but will never show the next person just how unhappy we are with what we see staring back at us in the mirror. I am now on Day 5 of trying to form new habits, I read someone that if you want something to become a habit you need to do it consistently for 21 days. So I am trying to form that new habit: exercise, drink plenty of water and eating right. I weigh myself but I want to refrain from making this about the scale but to rather let it become a way of living.
Day 5 and counting! Will keep you posted.

DO NOT SETTLE

We all have things that we are not happy with in our lives but the question is what are we doing to change them? I think a lot of times we find ourselves just fantasizing and wishing. Wishing we had this kind of life, body, friends, partner, job etc. But most of us always end with the wishing part, we imagine what life would be like if we had the things that we desire, then sit back and do nothing to change our situations.

How many times have you heard people complain about their bodies? We moan about not having anything to wear, our clothes don't fit anymore, we don't like what we see in the mirror but speak of exercise or eating healthy and we become offended. I am one of those people, for the longest time now, I haven't liked what I see in the mirror when I undress but I come to work daily and eat junk and wake up in the morning and complain that I am gaining weight.

It is not just with our bodies that we act so passively, we do it with every aspect of our lives. We working jobs that we hate, sleep with partners we no longer love and respect, we go through life on cruise control mode, merely surviving and convincing ourselves that it is enough. We have somewhat managed to make it okay to settle, to aim so low that nothing shocks or disappoints us anymore. We wake up to the same routine, day in and day out and we smile through it and pat ourselves on the back for "stomaching" the things in our lives that we don't like, the things that do not serve us anymore.

Suddenly being ambitious is wrong because you are asked to tone it down a bit, you should blend in so that the people around you remain comfortable. Then there are the negative voices surrounding us that we pay attention to, the voices that tell us we cant, we are being unrealistic and that we need to slow down. Then we start to doubt ourselves and believe what the critics say, so we put our dreams on hold and believe that we should be happy with what we currently have even if it is not what we want.

They tell you, you are big-boned and you will never lose weight, so you believe them and continue to eat your junk. They remind you of the many people who are unemployed in the country, so you should be thankful for the job that you have even though, nothing in you wants to do that job. We shut the voices within and give preference to the voices of the world, the same voices that aim to hold us back, that aim to keep us where we are currently.

Wanting better has nothing to do with being ungrateful, there is nothing wrong with wanting better for your life. There is nothing wrong with wanting a slimmer body, a better job, a bigger house, a healthier life..........the trick lies in not wishing for better but waking up everyday and taking active steps towards giving ourselves the life that we want. It is being determined to shut the voices of the world out, to be okay with not settling for average and to wake up daily with the commitment to work to change your life to make it what you want it to be. To finally live within the parameters that God set for you.

OH!!!!!!! WHAT AN AMAZING WEEK

The last week was undoubtly one of those that will stand out for me for the rest of my life. If I ever doubted the existence of God in my life, the week has truly affirmed His Being and the role that He plays in my life. I don't have the right words to thank Him, nor can I fully express in words the joy that warms my heart.

On Wednesday we had a ceremony at school for signing our oath as future social workers. This is an annual function in which all second year students in Social Work sign an Oath to adhere to the values and principles of the social work profession and to always ensure that they handle with care the lives that are entrusted to them. It was truly a beautiful experience, that must have been a reminder to all of us of not just the journey ahead but also how far we had come. We all deserve a pat in the back and we deserve to be proud of the choice we have made, to dedicate our lives to the betterment of our communities and the people around us. Personally, I have no other place or profession that I imagine myself in and even though for the longest time, all I could think and dream of was being a Psychologist, I believe that things happen for a reason and that God led me this way for a purpose that is bigger than my imagination.



For that reason alone, I know that I cannot afford to give anything but my absolute best to the process and to my studies to ensure that I prepare as best as I can to be one of the best Social Workers in the field one day. I am truly humbled and ever grateful that out of the many applications received each year, I was chosen to be part of the program. And to get a bursary on top of everything else, this affirms the lesson in the book The Alchemist, when you want something badly enough, the Universe truly conspires in your favour to make it happen. Lord, I thank You for the grace You continue to show over my life.

Weekend came and it was ready to party up a storm with my new family. I had my traditional welcoming over the weekend. For those who don’t know what it means, your in-laws slaughter a sheep for you and give you a new name to welcome you as a part of their family. Well I am not big on culture and tradition but must say that this weekend I learned so much and was truly humbled to see all that goes into preparing for such a day.
Yes I was nervous, I didn’t know what to expect and the fact that I knew my family would not be part of the festivities scared me the most. I thought I would be alone and lost but honestly, I felt none of those emotions. I felt every bit as part of my new family and could see just how happy everyone was to have me there. Even though I wished my family could have been there to witness everything that went on, I understood that tradition did not allow for it to be that way.


Our culture as Sotho people is so diverse and extremely beautiful and being a part of the proceedings surely gives one a sense of pride well at least that is how it was with me. My gran told me before I left, to humble myself and do as I was told and to respect how my new family did things. And I realised over the weekend, how incredibly beautiful it can be not to fight culture but to instead embrace it. It is such an honour to sit back at the end of the day and realise all that hard work and sacrifices made by the family was just for you and no one else. Even the Makoti duties wasn’t half as bad as I expected, I learned how easily things can flow when everyone pulls together and works together towards a common purpose.


As we waved the family goodbye on Sunday, I felt such intense joy in my heart at the thought of having found myself a new family, one that has accepted me and embraced me as their own. As my hubby and I drove away, it symbolized new beginnings for us. The start of a new chapter, a new page in the book that we are busy writing. It didn’t feel scary; it still doesn’t feel scary because as much as the journey is about me and him, I know that we are not alone in it. There are so many people behind us, loving us and encouraging us and wishing us nothing but the best. More than that, I know that this union is written in the stars, it was written long before our paths even crossed. We have God in our corner and really, that is the only ammunition we will ever need.

Here’s to the beginning of forever…………………………………

WE HIDE TO MAKE PEOPLE COMFORTABLE

How many of us can really say we can be ourselves totally around the people that we love? In the moments when we are happy and everything seems to be going well, yes! we can be ourselves. The problem is during the times when we are at our lowest, when our pretty is not showing. Reminds me of a popular poem by Oriah Mountain Dreamer, THE INVITATION. There is a questions she asks in the poem that says, "I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it, or fix it."

I think a lot of people do not know how to sit with pain, their own or that of someone else. We want to fix it and if we cant fix it, we feel that it means we are not being supportive enough. Truth is, sometimes when people are in pain, they don't want you to fix it, they don't want to hear advice on how it will get better.......all they want is someone to sit with them and not feel the need for words.

A lot of us go through so much pain but surprisingly those around us are oblivious to this, because we have learned that pain and vulnerability makes people uncomfortable, it makes them run away, it repels them away from you. We learn to rather smile and pretend that everything is fine because the minute we show what is hidden in our souls, those we thought cared turn the other way.

The other day I saw a friend's whatsapp status and it read, "it takes a strong man to love a broken woman." it hit home but it doesn't apply to just men, generally it takes a strong person to be able to handle someone who is broken, it takes courage to love someone who needs it but will not show it, it takes selflessness to take the pain of another and not make it about you, to look beyond the surface and find the person drowning in their turmoil and offer them a helping hand.

I have a friend who suffers from clinical depression and the other day we were chatting and I asked her why she wont allow me to be there for her? I shouldn't have asked that question because in that moment I made her issue about me. I also realise now, it is not easy to open up to people because that could possibly come with various labels. People expect you to be happy go lucky all the time and the minute you prove to be human, they turn the other way and take offence to your mood, making it about them instead of being supportive.

So we hide ourselves, we cry in secret and smile to the world just to be accepted. Just to keep people around us. However a question arises from all this? The people who wont allow us to be human, the people who turn away at a time when we need them the most, the people who expect us to always have it together, those who give up on us when we don't act the way they want.......are those people truly worth being in our lives? We shouldn't have to hide to make people feel comfortable. The people we need in our lives are those who understand that, we have bad days, we cry sometimes, we are weak on some days, we have flaws, we have disappointments but that's okay. The people who love us don't need us to hide, they love us even in our broken and ugly moments.

IT'S OKAY

We always try so hard to keep up appearances, fool people into thinking we have it all under control when the truth is, we are hanging on by a thread and it feels like the slightest push will have us falling apart.

Just this week alone, I had 3 assignment, a presentation and 2 semester tests to get through. I didn't even know where to start, with what. At some point during the day on campus, I found myself sitting in the car and crying, wondering whether I had really thought out this whole decision to work and study. I felt like I couldn't do it, a part of me wanted to quit everything at that exact moment.

I was having one of those moments when you realise that you are not as invincible as you had thought yourself to be. For some reason I feel that I am not performing at my peak, or maybe I am just pushing myself too hard? I don't know! I have always done extremely well at school, with minimum effort really and this time around, it seems despite taking out all my guns, I am still not coping.

Yesterday I got reminded that, it's okay. It really is okay not to be strong all the time, it really is okay to have someone other than you be top of the class. It is okay to cry, it is okay to feel you are not strong enough, it is okay to feel like you wanna throw in the towel. One cannot always perform at their peak, we all have moments where we feel nothing in us can hold on any longer.

But what sets us apart and what proves the resilience that lies within us, is not giving up even when we have plenty of reason to. It is believing we can even when we haven't really produced our absolute best, it is knowing that it is never too late to improve. Its okay to cry, because crying is what cleanses our hearts, crying is like sharpening your tool while you take a break. When you have wiped away your tears, you should be ready for the work that lies ahead because you have just given yourself a clean slate.

LOVE

Love is such a beautiful thing though. How can it not be when our Creator is love? Whenever people go on about how love is overrated and how it hurts and all these negative connotations that they attach to love, I am quick to remind them that loving the wrong person should never be confused with love not being as pure as we say it is.

Today we celebrate a day that evokes different emotions in different people. Valentine's Day. I think the reason why so many people are not able to embrace and enjoy this day is that they have somewhat attached the day to being in a relationship or having a partner. So usually when this day comes, single people find themselves highly miserable while pretending to the rest of the world that they don't care and claiming that they don't celebrate this day.

Love is such an inexplicable concept or emotion, there is so much to it that I think it is limiting to only associate the celebration of Valentines with being with a partner or lover. Love is all around us, in our interactions with our families, our friends, our colleagues, through the stranger who smiles at you as they walk passed etc. There are so many ways to be love, to give love and to receive love. From someone we are close to, from someone who may be a stranger.

When it comes to love, little ever follows logic or makes sense. We should therefore take it in in its fullest form and not separate ourselves from it on such a day because it comes to us in a form that does not fit societal norms. Take it in whether it comes from your partner, a friend, your child, colleague etc......do not push it away because it comes in a package that does not look like that of the next person.

Love in all situations, love wherever you find yourself, love where it is hard to, love when its the last thing you want to do, love to heal, love to give comfort. Find ways to show love and be love, to those around you, to the world. And remember, love has a ripple effect, the more of it we freely give away without expectation, the more of it we will receive.

Today instead of making Valentine a day for 2 people, make it about everyone around you. Everyone who touches your heart in some way. Celebrate them, celebrate that love.

HOW BLESSED WE ARE

Second week of lecturers and all I've been doing is moaning because of this and that and getting irritated with having to attend classes. Today in one of my evening classes I sat next to a lady who is blind. At first I was annoyed that I wanted to pass to a seat next to hers and she wasn't making way for me.

A few minutes into the class as she turned to ask the guys behind us if her voice recorder was on, I realised that she was blind. My first reaction was that of sympathy, which was feeling sorry for her. Then I remembered that just last week in one of my classes, we were taught the difference between sympathy and empathy.

Empathy is more than just feeling sorry for another person. It is trying to imagine life from their point of view, to try to put yourself in their shoes and see things from their perspective. I may lie and say I could put myself in her shoes but the truth is, I couldnt for a second imagine what it's like. To come to class and not be able to see the people you are interacting with, to have to rely on people reading to you what was being discussed in class (that is what I did when we were told to discuss questions put on the projector.

So many times when we see someone with a diability, our reaction is that of sympathy. And that clouds our judgement, we are not able to see passed what they "lack". I realised that alot of these people may have physical disabilities but make up for it in tons with talents and skills that they have. While discussing questions given in class with her, I was in awe of her critical thinking ability ad reasoning and it hit me then, why sympathy is disabling us people who do not have physical disabilities. There's so much more to a person, than what they lack that we have.

I also realised that everyday, we should thank God for our lives and all that we have. How incredibly blessed we are and how we take that for granted like it is owed to us. We moan and complain about this and that but fail to acknowledge that life could've been worse, I guess that's why even the Bible teaches us to be thankful in all circumstances. The truth is no matter how bad it seems, we always have something to be thankful for, something that should remind us of how truly blessed we are.

Today instead of feeling sorry for my blind colleague, I wanted to thank her for her resilience and the fact that despite her circumstances, she was sitting next to me in class trying to beat the odds, trying to make something of her life, choosing not to remain a slave to her disability. And in the process reminding me of how truly blessed I am and all the things that seem small at the time that I could be grateful for. That I should be thankful for.

SCHOOL

I am finally back at school, after a 5 year break. I wonder if I am still as sharp as I used to be back then. Classes started this week for us, with orientation and everything, I felt like such a first year. The registration process has changed so much, it is now self service and well me and technology have never been friends hey but I got through it.

Fretting over having to attend classes seeing that class attendance for my course is compulsory. I have always preferred to study by myself at home, being in class just rubs me up the wrong way. But I don't have a choice now, I have to make peace with it. Monday, we didn't get off to such a great start. First my timetable was wrong and then I couldn't find the venue for my other class. Its hard to believe that just a few years ago, I knew the corners of the campus like I know myself. Now I am your typical first year, getting lost and looking confused.

Tuesday went a whole lot better. Had my first class and the lecturer said something that reminded me of why I love this field so much. Human behaviour is such an interesting thing, you can never really and truly know so studying human beings means that we never get bored. Dr Boning said, "Human beings are truly complex beings and if you want to become a social worker you need to look beneath the surface to understand what is really going on. Often times people's actions are only a symptom of what is going on beneath the surface and you should not judged people solely on based on their actions but to try and find the root behind their specific action."

It was at that exact moment when she said that, that I knew I had made the right decision and that I was at the right place. Studying what I love and paving the way to finally doing what I love and what I am most passionate about.

This is the start of a new chapter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Watch this space for the crowning glory.

HOW I MISS MOMMY

I  have been thinking a lot about my mother over the passed few days. I miss her and particularly the conversations that we used to have. My mother was my best friend, we spend a lot of our time fighting but when it really came down to what mattered, I knew that she had my back in a way no one else would.

Whenever I hit that time in my life when I need to make hard decisions, I find myself needing and missing my mom the most. She always knew what to say, how to put things into perspective and how to take a mess and just fold it up neatly to make sense. All this while making jokes and remaining so calm on the outside. She had this way of reassuring me that things would work out, even when nothing in the physical pointed in that direction.

I cant help but think, she would know what to do right now, what to say, how to make it okay.......we would sit in her room, she on the bed and me on the car in the corner next to the wardrobe. And I would pour my heart out to her in tears, she would listen attentively then say a few words after that to make it all seem so insignificant. My mother used to warn me about being too trusting and the type of people I let into my life, you know what they say about a mother always knowing? Yes, she always knew and she always warned me but I never listened. I guess I was hellbent on making my own mistakes so that I could learn from them. It is a weakness I have always had though, not a very sound judge of character and go into things blindly which got my fingers burnt more times than I cared to remember.

What would she say right now? I wish I could hear her voice, get her advice. But sometimes as much as we miss those who raised us, we have to trust what they instilled in us. That means, listening to and trusting the voice within.

HERE IS TO 2014

We all have dreams, the difference between all of us is whether we do something about those dreams. Do we chase them, do we take steps towards accomplishing them or do we just dream and fantasize and hope that they will materialize by themselves? I have declared this year, the year of action, the year that I put in the work to accomplish the dreams that I have. I have decided that, enough time has been spent on hoping and wishing for life to be a certain way. The only noticeable difference between me and the women I look up to and admired, is that they put in the work and make it happen.

A friend of mine said to me the other day that she is not looking forward to turning 30 and it was at that moment that I realised, wait!!! 30?? I am really getting old and the older I get, the older my daughter gets. If this was not motivation enough, then nothing would ever be. All parents want the best for their children, so I asked myself this morning, what will set me apart from the other parents? I want to be that parent who not only hopes for the best for the child but the kind who works tirelessly to ensure that, they bring the best forth.

Successful people are no different from ordinary people. What sets them apart from the rest of us is the work they put in. The conversations that they have, the people that they surround themselves with and the fact that, they are willing to be uncomfortable now in order to live the life they want in the future. Nothing of value is ever attained without some kind of sacrifice on your part and in order to make the changes that one hopes to make, you need to be prepared as well to sacrifice, compromise and commit. That is the only way up.

Circumstances will never be favourable, its the courage to start when the timing seems wrong that eventually paves the way and makes conditions go in our favour. So destiny is not something that is written in the stars for you from the beginning of time, destiny is what you create for yourself. Through your choices and what you choose to invest in. It is knowing that wishing and hoping doesn't change your position but work and discipline do.

This year I hope for myself, the passion and commitment to make my dreams come true. The faith to believe that God has destined for me bigger and better but that in the here and now, I need to put in the work to finally have all He has in store for me.