So I began entertaining the thought of giving him a chance. Another reason was I had been single for over two years and I was honestly tired of waiting. These are the things we don't talk about though, because we have to be strong women who don't need or want a man and who can never admit to the world that sometimes you crave to love and be loved in return. I shared my thoughts with my sister, who gave me a long list of reasons why this man was not the right person for me and she ended that conversation with the assurance that whatever I decided, she would support me because all she wanted was for me to be happy.
The truth is everything she told me that day, was everything I knew but I was reaching a point where I was willing to overlook those reasons because I was frustrated in my current situation. Many of us are now dealing with the consequences of making permanent decisions because we were temporarily uncomfortable. We get tired of waiting so we take whatever is offered in moment and when we eventually wake up, we are knee-deep in situations that we could have easily avoided.
We become tired drivers in the journey of life and because we are so desperate for a break, a moment of rest, we let other people take the wheel and drive us where we think we want to go. For a moment it's a relief, just to be able to rest and escape but the challenge kicks in when the fatigue wears off and we wake up to realize that those we trusted to take the wheel are driving us to a destination that we don't want to go to.
Now you realise that the person you are married to, in a relationship with, the job you left, the position you took etc was not what you initially wanted but you had let your desperation and fears dictate the choices you made because you grew weary of waiting for what was specially tailored for you. You find yourself stuck in places and relationships that are not for you and you are suffocated by the idea that you need to make it work, which turns into you settling for what you don't want.
It is not easy to wait it out more so in an era where we are always bombarded by the achievements of others and their picture perfect lives but it is just as difficult to wake up with the realization that you moved in haste and made impulsive decisions. It is as frustrating to settle for the illusion of what seemed appealing in a moment of desperation and now waking up daily knowing that every fiber of your being is fighting the place that you now find yourself in.
If you are wondering what happened to that guy, I came to my senses and I realized that I would only be setting myself up for failure by going into this relationship and ignoring all the red flags that were before me. I resolved to wait even if it was not comfortable to do so. I may still be waiting and even on the days that I am feeling uncomfortable, I know that I would rather wait then wake up to decisions that I regret.
Trust that what is ahead is better than what you are experiencing. Give yourself permission to wait despite how it feels right now and wake up every day knowing that what you choose and who you choose is not out of frustration and that you are not settling in any way.
Light and Love
RLG Lenkooe
#Phoenix
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