RESOLUTIONS

It's almost that time of the year when people will be making resolutions and vowing to do this and that and change one thing or the other in the New Year. For the longest time I was one of those people, who always had a long list of things I wanted to do and change in the new year. I don't subscribe to the idea of resolutions anymore.

Simply because time has taught me that any change that you want to make is not tied to the beginning of a new year. Every day you wake up, you are availed another chance, a clean slate so to speak and with that comes the choice to do what you want. To know that the minute you realise you have been travelling the wrong route, you can change. You don't have to wait for January the 1st to change the things you don't like.

Truth is I think more than waiting for the clock to strike midnight on the 31st of December, we need to work on changing our thoughts. Is it the Bible that says "as a man thinks so he is," it doesn't matter how long that list of resolutions is, if you go into the new year with the same thoughts that you had this year, chances are you will produce the same results. So rather than waiting on the new year make a decision to regularly reflect on your life and the direction that it is going and if you spot anything that you don't like, evaluate your thoughts and how they may be influencing your results. When you find a correlation, make the needed changes upstairs before you even think of what action to take.

By all means have goals but instead of that list of resolutions you usually make. List what you want to achieve, how you are going to do it and assign a time frame to those goals. More importantly work on your thoughts and get rid of any self-limiting talk that goes on in your head. When you believe you can achieve it and see the victory in your mind, that list you compile will serve as motivation for you and not just something that fizzles out by March of the new year. ALL THE BEST WITH 2015. Make it count. Make it a turning point.

WHAT DO YOU STAND FOR?

Our teen years are usually categorised by a lot of learning and confusion and trying to find our direction in life. One of the things that stands out during this time is our need for peer acceptance, breaking away from our parents and finally being able to make our own decisions. Decisions that don't even turn out to be our own because we are so hell bent on trying to win the approval and validation of our peers. With your late twenties comes a shift in focus and finally coming to a place where you know who you are and what it is you want from life.

Unfortunately the transition is not natural for all of us and it's sad to watch grown people still not knowing what it is that they stand for, their decisions are still based on trying to be accepted and loved by those they regard as important. The problem with trying to live a life that is centred around pleasing everyone around you but yourself is that, you never win because no matter what you do there will always be a few people who don't approve and therefore don't accept you on the basis of the choices you have made. Not only that but it's rather tiring trying to always think of the next person before you take any action in your life. I am by no means saying we should blindly do things without considering how they may impact others but sometimes being selfish is a good thing especially when no one is getting hurt as a result of you putting yourself first.

The people we gain by pretending to be who we aren't are not even worth having in your life because the right people will always love you for the right reasons. That means they can look passed your flaws and differences and embrace the person that you are. There must be things that you believe in, things that you stand for and while those things may not always win you the approval of everyone or even popularity, it should be enough for you just knowing that you are true to yourself.

Not everyone will understand or love you and it's not even your job to make them change their minds about what they think. I am of the belief that when you stick to who you are and what you believe in, the right doors will open and the right people will naturally gravitate towards you. Effortless and definitely a win-win situation in my eyes. Life is so much simpler when you don't feel the need to hide your true self and when you can be as crazy and silly as you want around people and know that they don't love you any less or think differently about you.

There is a popular saying that, "if you don't stand for anything you will fall for everything." That's how you find yourself going in whichever direction the wind is blowing and your no means yes and yes means no. Don't fall victim to seeking approval of the people you love so much so that you don't know who you are outside of that acceptance. Seek to know who you are and what you stand for and trust the Universe to bring people along your path who will not only understand that but share the same sentiments as well. Also learn that differences are inevitable and it doesn't mean either one of us has to change to fit what the other thinks is ideal but that we can learn to co-exist and still love each other the same even if we don't see everything through the same lense. Cultivate your own thoughts and beliefs by not accepting everything at face value and when you have come to learn that which you stand for,  don't try and impose it on everyone else. Stand for something or risk falling for what everyone else stands for.

WHEN YOU HAVEN'T HEALED

I attended a Conference for women and teens the other day, it's something that one of the guest speakers said that brought this specific piece to light for me. You know those moments when you listening to someone speak and it lights a bulb in your head and heart and brings to the fore something you didn't necessarily not know before but they say it in such a way that it forces you to look at your life and face things you may have swept under the carpet.

How many of us are walking around broken and bruised and don't even realise it? Something happened in your life and you put on a brave face and convinced yourself that it didn't matter and then something that someone said revealed to you that you hadn't healed. I think so many of us are preoccupied with not falling apart that anything that vaguely tries to bring unbalance in our lives is ignored. We never let the wounds of what happened heal themselves in a natural way instead we try and speed up the process by numbing ourselves. We all have different crutches that we use,  for some it's alcohol, ensuring that we are so busy we never have time to think about our hurts or just plainly refuse to acknowledge that we are in pain.

So we go on about the day, pretending not to have a care in the world. We almost succeed at playing it cool and showing the world that we have it all under control. Until something very minor happens and sets us off on a downward spiral into the depth of depression. What happens when you haven't healed? You live a superficial life, one where you playing a role that's not a true reflection of all that is burning inside of you. You have answers to anything and everything but never to the troubles that make you toss and turn at night, in public you are the epitome of strength and yet in private you barely know your left from right.  You haven't healed.

You took what was bothering you and put on a band aid and turned the other way in the hope that the wound will go away all by itself. But it doesn't. It may appear to be gone for a short period but I guarantee you that anything you have not dealt with will one way or the other find its way to the surface again. What happens when you haven't healed.

Just as physically the body is able to heal itself, we need to allow our emotional scars the time to go through the healing process in a natural way. That means not rushing the process and trying to pretend that what hurt you didn't. I am in no way saying that one should wallow in self pity and give in to their circumstances but know that healing is a process and the time frame for all of us is different. It's okay to admit when you have not healed and to realise that,  trying to fake it will only delay the process. Embrace your hurt and how it makes you feel, give yourself time and when you have gone through the motions, you can truly move on without looking back. When you haven't healed, you deny yourself the opportunity to live a full life and when you are walking around bruised and broken, you risk hurting others you come across. Only when we have dealt with our pain and allowed time to heal us can we give ourselves the best and ultimately those we interact with too.