WEIGHT BLUES

I was supposed to start aerobics classes yesterday but life happened and I couldn't make it to the class. Well there's still today and the day after you may say but yesterday basically represented my life for the past few years. I'm going to start eating healthy today but as soon as I get to the office I'm consumed by every craving imaginable and my willpower fails me and I succumb to the cravings. Then I tell myself that tomorrow or the day after is still a good day to start so today I will satisfy the urge to eat junk. 

But the truth is tomorrow becomes the next day and so the story goes. I never get to actually start. When I had my child about 5 years ago I was determined not to be one of those mothers who lost themselves to the baby fat. I exercised like my life was dependant on it and as a result in less than a year I didn't look like I had just had a baby. 

Somewhere between then and now the determination just disappeared and I fell prey to the very thing that I feared. I lost myself and instead of doing something about what I was seeing, I just ate my way into my current weight issues. I'm still trying to find all the good habits I used to have back then. The problem is not knowing where I lost them, which makes it difficult for me to find them. 

I went from buying clothes that were my ideal size, always with the promise that I would work hard and fit into them to now where I have not bought even a shirt in months because I just refuse to buy anything bigger than a large. Clearly not having bought anything tells you that the large stopped fitting a while ago and I have not made peace with it. 

In March I took a bet with my sister that if I hadn't lost the weight I wanted by September I would buy her a dress from Trenery. Now I know I can't afford the brand, it's way out of my affordability range, I just reckoned taking the bet would motivate me to work out more than twice in a month. The bet was supposed to scare me into action but that didn't work. You still asking! No I didn't lose the weight, if I did I wouldn't be sitting here writing this blog. I would be fasting for rain so the heat can hit our shores and I could finally show off my hard work. Instead I'm out here praising the Lord for the cold that's still bracing us even though it's supposed to be Spring. At least I don't have to part ways with the comfort of hiding my flab under the jersey or jacket just yet. 

On a serious note though, something has got to give. My health is in a state and I have officially diagnosed myself with chronic fatigue. Something I know can be easily solved if I just started using the skipping rope I bought that I can't seem to remember it's location in the house. Don't even get me started on the apps downloaded on my phone which are just using space that should be used to take pictures of my summer body. O Lord please intervene. 

I am besides myself with complaining about the amount of weight I have gained. I have turned into that friend who is always trying some new, improved and tested method for weight loss but no results to show for it. The only thing that seems to be losing weight is my wallet from all the veggies, fruit, lean meat, skinless chicken that I keep buying and have amnesia about as soon as I get home. Hopeless case? It seems so! 

What happened to you become the company you keep? Because I am not short of people in my life who have this healthy lifestyle on lock down but none of their dedication is rubbing off on me. I set the alarm in the morning for that jog but the devil seems to have control of the snooze button and it hardly happens. What must to can happen now? 

As soon as I have the answer I will let you know. At the moment the desire doesn't seem to be what it should be to push me into action. *sigh*

LESSONS

The last few days have been rather eventful. This blog is a mixture of everything so bear with me. I’m sitting here thinking about life and the lessons we encounter. If I had to summarize the past week, these would be the lessons I took out of it.

1. Life isn't all bad

A few days ago I read a post by Pastor Jay Mokhethi, a man I have come to respect because of the manner in which He portrays himself and how his posts always seem to be relevant and exactly what I need to hear. On the referred to post, he posted a picture of himself playing the piano and went on to explain how both the black and white buttons need to be played together to create a melody. One cannot exist without the other. He further explained that the black buttons represented the dark times in our lives and the white the good times we have. So just like you need both the black and white buttons to make music, you need the good and bad times in your life. 

I read this post and I thought how profound. Then it took me back to the amazing weekend I just had in Durban and how I came back a day later to be in tears because of things that were happening at school. In the moment when I read the post, I remembered that life is not all bad. We have to learn to enjoy the good times and also have the assurance during bad times that it won't last forever. We have to be willing to take the good with the bad because ultimately they all work out for our good and make life what it should be. 

Just like the seasons change, we have to keep hope alive during the dark times because they serve a purpose and allow us to enjoy and appreciate the good times. Whatever dark place we may be in now, we must know that it will pass because life isn't all bad. 

2. You have to fight for what you believe in. 

Things aren't handed over to us even the ones we surrender to God, we often have to do our bit and trust Him to do the rest. This particular lesson I took from my fight with the University. While I am busy working towards my third degree, I was expected to repeat modules that I had already done in my first degree. Not one to just accept things blindly, I have been going from this Department to the other trying to get answers. This went on for a month till frustration got the better of me and I sent an email to the University Management and my issue was resolved within hours. Had I not fought this, I would have spent an extra year on my studies trying to do what I had already done. Had I not fought about what I believe in, I would have wasted time that I don't have at my disposal. 

We always have a choice in life, we can lay dead and complain about the cards we have been dealt or we can wipe the tears off our faces and fight to be heard. A win is not always guaranteed but even when you lose, you can walk away feeling that you did your best and that you fought for what you believe in. 

3. God always comes through

It’s so easy to be filled with doubts when dark times hit you and you forget about all the times that God has come through for you. 

When I woke up this morning, I received a message that left me shaken and feeling cornered. I had no plan up my sleeve; I didn't know how I was going to get out of this one. I felt like it's just one battle after the other and as always when you try to work in isolation to God's intervention, you feel defeated and don't have the answers that you seek. I left home with a troubled heart but the day had to go on and commitments had to be attended to. 

When I got to the school we work with to see my client, I overheard some of my classmates talking about what was the perfect solution to my predicament. My heart jumped with joy but I also wanted to kick myself for having doubted the power of God in the morning. 

He came through for me, in the exact moment when I was feeling overwhelmed. It wasn't a coincidence that I would be sitting next to people who happened to be discussing what was troubling me, it was God. I know all too well about the times when it feels like we can't hear His voice, my whole life has been made up of such moments but every time they crept up, they were overshadowed by how God came through for me.

Life will always have those moments but our faith need to be so strong that we are not shaken because in His perfect timing, when the work has been completed, He will give you the answers that you seek because God always comes through.