SELF COMPASSION

There may be a few people who were socialised (raised) in such a way that navigating through adulthood becomes a breeze. For the rest of us growing up means also realising that even though our parents did their best; there are gaps in what we have been taught. We disadvantage ourselves and limit our growth as individuals if we never seek to learn what was not included in our upbringing.

At the top of the list of things we were taught was the importance of being kind to others. That's a key lesson in life or at least one of the key lessons. However, in a lot of cases this teaching missed the golden rule. That is, whatever we give to others needs to be an extension of what we have already given to ourselves. Kindness towards others should start with being kind to ourselves. 

Failure to achieve this starting point is the reason why self-compassion is such a difficult concept to grasp. We master consoling others and then turn around and judge ourselves harshly for the same things. We can cheer others on when they get tired in the journey of life. Yet expect perfection from ourselves even when we have every right to be feeling tired and bruised.  

There are already so many ways in which life beats up on us. However; we don't seem to think that's enough because we beat up on ourselves too. We never learned how to be kind to ourselves. I believe this is the reason why we downplay the moments in which we show up even when we feel like we have nothing to give.

My line of work exposes me daily to people who are at their lowest point in life. They can recount and recall every negative thing that has happened. All the ways in which they have fallen short. Whilst it's important to acknowledge what has gone wrong in order to rectify it. I have noticed that most if not all the people I encounter - fail to pat themselves on the back for showing up. 

For waking up another day, despite the odds and trying to make things work. I've met people who were facing things that I couldnt ever imagine having to bear. Sometimes I listen to people tell their stories and wonder how they even managed to be alive to tell the tale. It's that ability to show up that they overlook. The very thing that could be reassurance to them that they have what it takes to overcome. 

Showing up sometimes with no hope that things will turn around. Yet somehow managing to dig deep within yourself to drag oneself to face life. It takes courage to do that and there is nothing insignificant about that. Taking pride in showing up isn't a reason to exempt yourself from working at what needs to change. We can't ever run away from the work that it entails to cause a shift in our lives.  

We should however practise a little in some cases alot of kindness towards ourselves. If we can do this; I reckon that in the midst of the darkest phases of our lives we will always have something to celebrate. It is also the compassion that we show to ourselves that will enable us to tap into our inherent resilience and recognise that though we are bruised; we haven't lost the fight.